Do You Know What You Really Want?

Do you know what you want? That’s the secret to success after all! Isn’t it?

Here’s my problem – it’s so easy to say, but so hard to do!

Even after half a century on on this planet, I’m still searching for this answer. Oh, fortunate are those who know that for themselves at a young age.

I am a successful engineer, an excellent singer, and I have practical knowledge and experience of all the principles and processes in the science of the mind. I know how to attract. But attract what?

Yet, even today, I have re-visited this question. What do I really want out of life?

There is no doubt I am successful at what I do. My own income reflects that. I have a reputation in the engineering world. But there is still something missing. There are things in engineering I like and things I do not like. There are things in the performing arts I wish I had every day. I wish I could spend my time delving into the science of the mind and not even think about making a living. But take away one of the three, and I start to get that empty feeling.

I would love to design one occupation that uses all my skills in somethig that is emotionally satisfying, not just for me, but also for clients. There is something that is common to all three occupations that I am especially adept at.

For the nth time, I tried my journal. I use a journal to “speak to myself”. I find that this works best when I write longhand. I can write this way unconsciously. With the keyboard, I keep making corrections. It is a form of automatic writing, where I have a conversation with myself, which this tends to clear things up in my head.

But today, that seemed to be inadequate. I needed a different approach.

As an engineer, I revel in solving puzzles and mysteries. Every time there is a problem, I know there is also a solution. The wonderful thing about engineering is that if I give myself enough time, with an open mind, the answer comes to me intuitively. It’s like digging into the ground pulling up stone after stone until I find a diamond. There is always a good answer, a good solution. When that happens, there is an incredible feeling of exhiliration. I know I’m right when I feel a quiver. I’m full of excitement and I can’t wait to tell someone.

Only then do I resort to mathematical analysis. I already know that answer, but I use physics and mathematics to prove it. When the math works, then I go from belief, to knowing. Then I can stand in front of others with full confidence in my answer. That feeling of confidence radiates strongly to others and I generate a lot of trust and admiration.

So today, I diagrammed my thoughts, digging for the commonality between the performing arts, engineering and mind science. I dumped the written word for sketches and flow charts, using short phrases instead of complete sentences. I looked for the inputs and evaluated the outputs.

The funny thing is, every time I do this kind of soul searching, I seem to come up with the same answer, but I want to prove it logically.

So no surprise, I came up with the same answer I’ve had in the past. The common thing through all three is the creation of positive emotion in myself and in others. That is an obvious answer for the performing arts and mind science, but engineering?

As it turns out, as an engineer, I am a conceptualizer, a designer, an analyst, a solver of puzzles, and I have a reputation of coming up with good answers for hard problems. I rarely ever touch hardware, but hardware is just the manifestation of a mental solution. I leave hardware to others who enjoy tinkering. The emotional part comes in the exhiliration of solving the puzzle, and sensing the joy and relief in the other engineers who desperately needed a solution to a problem.

The hard part for me was admitting that I enjoyed the adulation and that it was an important output for me. It seemed prideful. I like being looked up to. I’m just like a theatrical performer who lives for the applause.

So, do I know what I want?

Yes and no. I know the essence, but I want to know more about how to turn that essence into a practical reality that is emotionally satisfying for me and for my clients, or audience. I would like to know how to converge these three occupations into a single joyous work.

I know I’m going to do this again.


3 thoughts on “Do You Know What You Really Want?

  1. arpanrox says:

    Wouldn’t visualizing the essence coming true: you receiving the adulation and others feeling the satisfaction bring about the result ? In some of your posts you have said that it’s best not to be focussed on specific ways/means of realizing the goal, but to let the Universe arrange the means.
    About LoA in general: how do you explain the fate of a large number of people perishing together in events like 9/11 ?
    I think the only way to explain it is if we use the Reality Tunnel of Subjective Reality: My mind creates the Universe. It is Different from Solipsism in that reality is not in my head, rather my body(head included) is a dream character like all other bodies are.
    Subjective Reality seems to be the only reality tunnel which allows absolute potency to LoA. Thus all the violence and peace i see outside is all within me.
    Or I might think in terms Co-creative reality(each being is a creator) subject to karma. Thus, momentum of my past willings(karma) together with my present will determines the Reality. It is this past momentum filtering to the physical level that slows down the manifestation of present will(ofcourse intensity of present will matters too).
    Do youh agree with/follow any of the above 2 models ? Or do you suggest a different model ?

    • Arturo says:

      Your insight is refreshing! This world has been called a dream, an illusion, by both spiritual science and physics. Like a sleeping dream, we have no control over specific events, but dream symbolism is always a dramatization of our subconscious. Is our conscious awareness then just another dream, just another level of wakefulness, and that the drama we are experiencing is just another reflection of our own Mind?
      When I look at others I no longer see people but characters in a grand play creating their own drama and even co-chair national and world dramas.
      Yes, I believe what is out there is occurring in our own minds. When we die, or wake up to the greater reality, we will realize we were just dreaming all along.
      The whole world is playing out a drama, sometimes good, sometimes bad, but always reflective of our inner states.

      • arpanrox says:

        Your answer suggests that you have adopted the lens of Co creative reality( each being is an individual creator, having his own “avatar in the dream world) rather than Subjective reality( One Consciousness dreaming up all the characters), as you use We instead of Me ? But then, you also believe in a Great Mind(akin to subjective reality). Pls clarify ?

        The concept of Reality Tunnel is particularly intriguing. It resolves many philosophical conflicts seemlessly well and can give a comprehensive picture till one actually attains Enlightenment.
        Reality Tunnel is a particular set of beliefs and habits that mould my worldview and anything can be explained by every reality tunnel. There can be infinite numbee of such tunnels. Thus, modern science’s reality tunnel is: Objective/ Materialistic Reality: what’s out their is a solid empirical world and we must trust only empirical methods and evidenc( Quantum Mechanics has punched holes in this model, but it still remains the dominant lens).
        Opposite to it is the Subjective Reality tunnel: my own consciousness creates reality, including physical laws.
        So take the example of LoA: You intend to find coins on streets and actually succeed at it.
        Subjective Reality tunnel: your consciousness manifested the coins.
        Objective Reality tunnel: Selective Perception at work. Since you programmed your mind to find coins, you just tend to notice them more now. They were there on streets even before u made the intention.

        Ofcourse, Subjective Reality tunnel is the most flexible of all, but going to that extreme(denying others co-creativity and becoming the Be All and End All of the Universe) is a belief system quite disengaged from our current level of daily experience and selfishness and vanity can creep in as we instinctively think from point of view of our own bodies. This is where need for actual meditation comes in.

        Btw, you state you are from a 3rd world nation and shifted you USA. Which country are you from ? I am from India. And how familiar are you with Eastern religions ? Do you have any sort of meditation practice( I am a meditator). Answer if you are comfy.

        Sri Aurobindo was a yogi and his commentary of the Hindu text: Isha Upanishad deals extensively with subjective nature of reality. Eg calling wife, children, enemies, friends, sickness and health as moods of One Consciousness.
        Or, how Will is the ultimate force. Science makes the mistake of thinking of it as a product of some rearrangenent of matter and natural forces in living beings. It is rather the force that has created all the laws of nature and can override them as any habit can be overriden. There is no compulsion on human Will to progress humanity, it can very well drag it to back to barbarism. Assigning ultimate agency to matter will logically end in arising of intensely egoistic individual forms which will then have to be broken by the Consciousness via revolutions. Tiny revolutions against such doctrine occur regularly in terms of rehashed spritual movements in every age.
        There are brilliant discussions in his works about problems with Causality applied to strict material reality: it results in materialitic determination. Thus, God comes into science through a backdoor: Insetient Nature. But who are we to call it insentient, when we ascribe intense sentience to Einstein who’s mimd was just a cog in the vast cosmic insatient machinery of Nature.
        There is a great book, written by a French disciple of his, and himself a yogi:

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