Do You Know What You Really Want?

Do you know what you want? That’s the secret to success after all! Isn’t it?

Here’s my problem – it’s so easy to say, but so hard to do!

Even after half a century on on this planet, I’m still searching for this answer. Oh, fortunate are those who know that for themselves at a young age.

I am a successful engineer, an excellent singer, and I have practical knowledge and experience of all the principles and processes in the science of the mind. I know how to attract. But attract what?

Yet, even today, I have re-visited this question. What do I really want out of life?

There is no doubt I am successful at what I do. My own income reflects that. I have a reputation in the engineering world. But there is still something missing. There are things in engineering I like and things I do not like. There are things in the performing arts I wish I had every day. I wish I could spend my time delving into the science of the mind and not even think about making a living. But take away one of the three, and I start to get that empty feeling.

I would love to design one occupation that uses all my skills in somethig that is emotionally satisfying, not just for me, but also for clients. There is something that is common to all three occupations that I am especially adept at.

For the nth time, I tried my journal. I use a journal to “speak to myself”. I find that this works best when I write longhand. I can write this way unconsciously. With the keyboard, I keep making corrections. It is a form of automatic writing, where I have a conversation with myself, which this tends to clear things up in my head.

But today, that seemed to be inadequate. I needed a different approach.

As an engineer, I revel in solving puzzles and mysteries. Every time there is a problem, I know there is also a solution. The wonderful thing about engineering is that if I give myself enough time, with an open mind, the answer comes to me intuitively. It’s like digging into the ground pulling up stone after stone until I find a diamond. There is always a good answer, a good solution. When that happens, there is an incredible feeling of exhiliration. I know I’m right when I feel a quiver. I’m full of excitement and I can’t wait to tell someone.

Only then do I resort to mathematical analysis. I already know that answer, but I use physics and mathematics to prove it. When the math works, then I go from belief, to knowing. Then I can stand in front of others with full confidence in my answer. That feeling of confidence radiates strongly to others and I generate a lot of trust and admiration.

So today, I diagrammed my thoughts, digging for the commonality between the performing arts, engineering and mind science. I dumped the written word for sketches and flow charts, using short phrases instead of complete sentences. I looked for the inputs and evaluated the outputs.

The funny thing is, every time I do this kind of soul searching, I seem to come up with the same answer, but I want to prove it logically.

So no surprise, I came up with the same answer I’ve had in the past. The common thing through all three is the creation of positive emotion in myself and in others. That is an obvious answer for the performing arts and mind science, but engineering?

As it turns out, as an engineer, I am a conceptualizer, a designer, an analyst, a solver of puzzles, and I have a reputation of coming up with good answers for hard problems. I rarely ever touch hardware, but hardware is just the manifestation of a mental solution. I leave hardware to others who enjoy tinkering. The emotional part comes in the exhiliration of solving the puzzle, and sensing the joy and relief in the other engineers who desperately needed a solution to a problem.

The hard part for me was admitting that I enjoyed the adulation and that it was an important output for me. It seemed prideful. I like being looked up to. I’m just like a theatrical performer who lives for the applause.

So, do I know what I want?

Yes and no. I know the essence, but I want to know more about how to turn that essence into a practical reality that is emotionally satisfying for me and for my clients, or audience. I would like to know how to converge these three occupations into a single joyous work.

I know I’m going to do this again.


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